Scott's Edition 56: What Happened This Week?

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February 20, 2022

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The Name Behind the News

February 20, 2022

Edition 56: What Happened This Week?

Happy Sunday! It may feel like the past week was a slow news week, but have no fear, because even in a slow news week I can still make things up for this newsletter! With that, let's dive into this week's news!

Weekly Stats

# of U.S. COVID cases (7-day average)

121,665, ↓ 43.0% since last week. That's two straight weeks of greater than 40% reductions!

% of U.S. population fully vaccinated

64.5%, ↑ 0.2% since last week. That's two straight weeks of too few people listening to science!

Russian Olympic figure skater Kamila Valieva women's singles medal place

4th

# of Super Bowl championships for teams with horned mascots

2, ↑ 1 since last week

# of 2s in the date two days from now

6, ↑ 2 since yesterday

As Richmond's self-proclaimed arbiter of the written word, I'm always looking for a way to make the English language more elegant. I've consulted with Hollywood writer Jordan Dumbroff to fill the void. Each week, we'll add a new, much needed word to the English language!

Autosplasm

/aw-toh-spla-zm/

noun

When you can't find your parked car because you're looking for the car you own instead of the rental car that you are temporarily using.
A mental block preventing one from finding a parked car they've rented because they are, instead, looking for the car they normally drive.

Ex:

"I felt silly after suffering an autosplasm when searching for my car in my apartment building's garage."

"It happens to the best of us; you shouldn't feel bad."

"I wouldn't, except I was leaving my apartment to drive to the auto shop to pick up the car I own."

Week in Review

Disney Dorms: The parks and entertainment giant announced Storyliving by Disney, a planned community that promises the magic of Disney through branding and themes. The company plans to deliver on its promise by killing off children's parents very soon after they move to the community.

Feuding: Kanye West is feuding with Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson. And that's as much time as we need to spend on this story.

Trump Accounting: Former television star Donald Trump's accounting firm, Mazars, stated that the past 10 years of financial statements for Trump cannot be relied upon. They also announced they will split ways with him. Trump says he's not worried about the situation and that he'll find a "younger, more attractive" accounting firm instead.

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Presidential Facts

In honor of tomorrow's federal holiday, we're sharing a few little-known facts about some of our country's 45 Presidents.

Fact #1: Gerald Ford is the only President to not be elected to the Executive Branch. He was appointed to the Vice Presidency after Spiro Agnew resigned and then assumed the Presidency after Nixon's resignation.

Fact #2: James Madison, the smallest President to ever hold office, stood at only 5'4 and weighed only 100 lbs. Of course, President Trump broke the record for smallest hands.

Fact #3: Our eighth President, Martin Van Buren, was the first born in the United States. Every President thereafter followed suit until Obama who was totally born in Kenya and not in Hawaii.

Fact #4: President Garfield was ambidextrous and could write in Greek with one hand while simultaneously writing in Latin with the other. With fairly low approval ratings, his opponents would use two hands to communicate something else.

Fact #5: Grover Cleveland was the only President to hold two non-consecutive terms, while Richard Nixon was the only President to hold one con-executive term.

Happy Presidents Day!

Where's Waldo?

Answer below.

Comics Described

Artists get all the credit for a good comic strip, but I think it’s the writing that really makes or breaks them. To really focus on the writing, I’ve removed those pesky cartoons and will simply explain the comic strip. I think this will create a much more enjoyable experience for the reader.

B.C. by Mastroianni and Hart for February 17, 2022

In the first panel, we find two cave men talking to each other. One man, with blond hair, stands behind a rock with writing on it that says, "Peter's Wood Shop." It can be assumed that he is the aforementioned Peter. The other man, with red hair, asks, "Do you have any ready-to-assemble furniture?"

In the second panel, Peter responds, "Why, yes!"

In the final panel, Peter explains, "We have a lovely hickory table here," and gestures toward the tree behind him. The red-haired man looks unamused.

That's a real knee slapper! And also a true story of IKEA's founding.

Where's Waldo Answer: He's in Kyiv, standing up to Mother Russia!

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