Scott's Edition 55: All The Sports

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February 13th, 2022

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The Name Behind the News

February 13, 2022

Edition LV: All The Sports

It's Super Bowl Sunday once again! In the midst of the Winter Olympics, we can tune into watch something that Americans are actually good at: crashing into each other in an attempt to move a weirdly shaped ball into a specific 30' x 160' space next to a giant yellow fork. We'll see if the undercat Cincinnati Bengals can win one vs. the Los Angeles Rams in a battle for the ages.

Super Bowl trivia: While Los Angeles has more of most things than Cincinnati, the Bengals' home city boasts the largest one of these in the United States with 675,000 attendees.

You can check out the answer below after we dive into this week's news!

Weekly Stats

# of U.S. COVID cases (7-day average)

215,418, ↓ 42.8% since last week

% of U.S. population fully vaccinated

64.3%, ↑ 0.3% since last week

U.S. Olympic Gold Medal count

6, ↑ 6 since last week and good enough for 3rd place overall

# of animal mascots for teams competing in the Super Bowl

2, ↑ 2 since last year

# of losses for the Duke Men's Basketball team

4, ↑ 1 since last week. Go Hoos!

As Richmond's self-proclaimed arbiter of the written word, I'm always looking for a way to make the English language more elegant. I've consulted with Hollywood writer Jordan Dumbroff to fill the void. Each week, we'll add a new, much needed word to the English language!

Salucious

/sah-loosh-uhs/

adjective

Descriptor of a nefarious solution

Ex: Instead of admitting fault, Tim made a salucious decision to buy a costume and crawl into the hole. When he crawled out and announced, "I see my shadow. Six more weeks of winter!" the crowd was speechless. "They'll never know I shot it," thought Tim happily as he crawled back into the hole.

Week in Review

Canadian Protests: This week, groups protesting Covid mandates blocked important trade routes between the U.S. and Canada. One of the Canadian protesters angrily yelled into a megaphone, "We're sorry for the disturbance we've caused everyone. Please come up to the front and grab a free donut and a Tim Horton's coffee."

Russia's Dope: 15-year-old Russian Olympian Kamila Valieva placed first in in the team figure skating event on Monday, but has not received her Gold medal after testing positive for a banned substance. It's nice to see the continuation of some of the oldest Olympic traditions.

Airline Merger: On Monday, Frontier and Spirit announced merger plans. And by "merger," they mean they are going to take two airplanes and merge all the seats into one plane. Base seating is included, while sitting on a strangers lap will come at a premium.

SPONSORED BY HINGE

Prepare for the Day of Love

Do you have a loved one to celebrate with on February 14th? No? Well, that sucks! All of your friends are going out for fancy dinners, giving each other cards, and drinking red wine, while you'll be stuck at home doing an 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzle. That is, unless you sign up for Hinge. On Hinge you can find other lonely people like you so that way you only have to put together 500 pieces of the puzzle. Or, you can experiment with a group thing and only put together 250 pieces. The main point is that jigsaw puzzles suck, and we're trying to make it so you can get them done faster! Join Hinge today!

Water Cooler Talk - Super Bowl LVI

Prepare for Monday's small talk with some quick hitting one-liners about the Super Bowl.

Say, "I knew the Rams were going to make the Super Bowl."
- This shows you keep up with trends. Several years ago, Los Angeles won the bid to host Super Bowl LVI, and 100% of Super Bowls feature the stadium's home team*. Good prediction!

Ask, "Did you know that technically the Bengals are the Home Team?"
- This shows you understand playoff rules. Even though the Bengals are playing in Los Angeles, the Home Team designation changes conferences each year between NFC and AFC. Because of the rule, Cincinnati Mayor Aftab Pureval gains authority over LA County for the day. He's announced he will lift mask mandates and free all Bengal tigers from the Los Angeles zoo.

State, "I bet Scott just put in a random third bullet point in this section because time was running out and he had to prepare a nacho platter for the big game."
- This shows you know your stuff. It's getting late and I really don't even have time to finish this portion of

*Data only collected for the past two years

Comics Described

Artists get all the credit for a good comic strip, but I think it’s the writing that really makes or breaks them. To really focus on the writing, I’ve removed those pesky cartoons and will simply explain the comic strip. I think this will create a much more enjoyable experience for the reader.

Frank and Ernest by Bob Thaves and Tom Thaves for February 23, 2022

We have a single panel cartoon today. Two friends sit in armchairs watching television. Someone on the TV announces, "A game similar to baseball that was first played in the Olympics in 1996."

One of the friends turns to the other and states, "I didn't think 'Jeopardy!' had any softball questions."

haHA! Softball like the sport but also softball like an easy question. It's a pun!!!!!

Trivia Answer: Cincinnati is home to Zinzinnati, the country's largest Oktoberfest celebration!

Thanks for reading!

Good luck to two of my world-traveling friends: Mike in Europe and Ryan in Southeast Asia (neither has the same ring as "Emily in Paris," but I'll give it some time).

Happy belated birthday to BJ, Danny, and Mollie!

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I'm Scott, and this is Scott's Edition. Have a great start to the week!

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