"Did you feel that?"

"No, I didn't feel anything." 

"What do you mean? The ground just shook... you didn't feel that?"

"No, I didn't feel anything..."

Centipede {{ firstname }} , 

These days I feel both numb and alive. I feel a part of my heart has hardened to the onslaught of dire news. And, yet, a part of me is blooming and bright. 

I've started writing again, working on a novel, I started in college, almost 10 years ago now.

I feel so aligned and yet the world around me feels so unaligned. I find myself wondering how curious it is that I have been blooming in a concrete world. If I'm being honest, fFor a few years there, I thought I might swing either way. I was so close to becoming calloused and cold, but every time, something within me begged me to soften. 

It felt dangerous because I didn't feel safe at the time. 

So, I set parameters. I softened for just a few seconds... and then a few minutes... until I could soften even around people who triggered me.

And I've noticed something peculiar. 

When I soften — when I don't react to their malice or attempts to manipulate and scare me — they too soften. They find a new topic, sometimes a new target, but something within them softens too. It's as if a small part of them responds to my softening. 

We each possess a Deeper Self.  

An aspect of our being that remains whole and intact, regardless of the harm and harshness we experience in this life.

I've noticed that every time I soften into my own Deeper Self, those around me soften too.

Don't get me wrong, they eventually return to their habitual way of thinking and acting, but for a moment we become coherent and something new begins to take shape...

Then, the next time we happen across a moment of coherence, we lay another brick down on that foundation. It feels like a slow process when only one person is dedicated to softening, but something new does start to take shape.

As we look out into a world that is getting more and more hardened, each of us weary of each other...

"What did she mean by that?"

"Is he judging me?"

"Whose side are they really on?"

Can we soften even if the worst is true?

Can you soften even if they don't love you, don't choose you, and are not on your side? 

Let's practice together: 

sense/01/Softening Around a Hardened World/ PRACTICE:

Think of something that triggered you to harden today, or complete the next time you encounter something challenging: 

Do you notice that your breathing becomes shallow? Your heart rate begins to race? Are you clenching or bracing yourself in any way? 

Notice the various reflexes to harden, attack, and defend. 

Your body is signaling to you that there is a threat to your safety. Make note of that and log it for further reflection. If this is happening repeatedly, this is a strong indication that new boundaries may be needed in order to minimize harm.

If there is no immediate threat to your safety, see if you feel any internal invitations to soften... 

It may only be a small seed of a thought... a faint feeling... notice if any part of you is feeling strong enough to soften right now. 

The invitation to soften may arise as a softening of judgment, a relaxing of the shoulders, a softening of the abdomen, a softening of the gaze... Lean into any invitations you feel to soften around the thought or situation. 

(If the person or situation is simply too much, it's ok to step away and create space. You can practice softening OUTSIDE of their presence and influence.) 

You'll know you've softened when you feel OPEN, CURIOUS, and FLEXIBLE.

If you feel HARD, CLOSED, and RESTRICTED, feel if there are any additional invitations to soften. Your body is wise. If there are no other invitations to soften arising, that's ok too. Trust how you feel. 

What has shifted, if anything? 

Are you noticing any new thoughts arising about the situation or person? 

How does softening make an opening for something new? 

Is there anything you feel inspired to do from here?

Are there other invitations arising? i.e. humor, love, appreciation, creativity, action, desire to learn/research, charity/generosity, etc. 

Accept any additional invitations to explore this person or situation from a new vantage point: