| We had a late spring. The temps where my wife and I live, a summer vacation community called Beach Haven on Long Beach Island, New Jersey, stayed in the high 50’s for much of the month of May. And then?
INSTANT SUMMER!
That’s okay by me! I EXPECT robin’s egg blue skies dotted with big fluffy white clouds this time of year. We’ve had a bunch of them, and more of these “anything-can-happen-days” are coming for us who live by the ocean from now until Labor Day.
I’m glad for the sun and this summer season and the beach. Winter weather can really get you down. Ours was cold, wet and gray every day. So gimme a bunch of summer when I can complain about heat, humidity, and bugs again!
“LBI,” as its known from New York to Philadelphia to Delaware, is the summer/second home to a lot of celebrities. Megyn Kelly, Jesse Waters, Ray Romano, Jon Stewart, and more. Last summer, Taylor Swift turned the community upside down when she visited. My response to all of that? Hey all you celebrities! We bought a house here to get away from you riff-raff!
Frankly, it’s a nice place to live, some six miles off the coast and if you’re into biking or hiking or fishing or boating, you’re probably gonna love Long Beach Island. Make no mistake - it IS well-to-do. Our Salvation Army Band has a string section.
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And it’s a true beach community. Want proof? Putting your garbage can(s) out in the street for the garbage trucks is also known as “curbside service.” For seagulls.
It’s kid-friendly. There is a wonderful theater putting on Broadway-caliber productions with incredible talent. There is lots of good food. Plus! A huge candy store just opened - every time I walk in, I channel 70s singer/songwriter Neil Young’s falsetto doing “Oh to live on Sugar Mountain…!”
Which reminds me that my doctor wanted me to eat more fish. Health reasons. So, I downed two pounds of fish last night. Let it be known: I LOVE SWEDISH FISH!
This past spring we put our house on the market, thinking we’d make some money and maybe “downsize.” Ours is a 3-story, 4-bedroom, comfortable home in a desirable neighborhood, close to the beach and the bay and downtown Beach Haven. “Let’s cash in!” we thought.
Nope. Looks like we’ll be staying a couple of more summers (too bad, neighbors!). We had some interesting complaints from would-be-buyers.
My favorite: “we were looking for something a little more open.”
My wife had the perfect comeback: “Well… we could put in a retractable roof! That would open it up don’t ya think?”
The prospective buyers raised their eyebrows. “Really?”
My wife said, “Sure! Why not? I think a retractable roof is a perfectly reasonable upgrade to this old shack!”
The realtor guided the couple out the door. They didn’t make an offer.
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We live two blocks from the Atlantic Ocean and a beautiful, sandy beach. I haven’t been yet - my schedule has me going back and forth from Alaska thru September. Besides that, I need to get in shape before exposing the universe to my (lack of a) beach body. I have what I like to call a “beach impediment.”
I spend a couple of days a month in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, where I meet the Disney Wonder cruise ship on its sojourn up the Inner Passageway to Juneau and the Endicott Glacier. Disney cruises are fun! They have a “pirate night” and last week I tried to organize a mutiny…
I love Vancouver, which SHINES during the summer months. I included some photos of the picturesque world city. It defines the phrase “world city,” by the way, with numerous cultures and peoples and languages proliferating throughout town.
I was there for Canada’s Independence Day (July 1) and spent July 4 in Skagway, Alaska, enjoying the USA celebration. If nations are foodstuffs, the United States would be a hot dog: lots of stuff, some of it unknown, wrapped in a thin-skinned tube. Canada would be vichyssoise on the world menu: cold, half-French, and difficult to stir.
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So here we are: July. With all the travel I do I’ve already finished my summer reading list. My wife is a librarian; she knows literature and authors and bestsellers and what it takes to write a book. She always has great suggestions. But when she asked, “Have you even read one of the books I got you?” I had no choice but to give the only answer that came to mind: “I’m sorry, honey… I’m suffering from reader’s block.”
Books often become major motion pictures, which brings me to another salient summer point-of-interest. Ever notice that most actors who star in summer action movies make just one and then star in increasingly bad sequels? I guess that’s their superpower.
A point of interest! I will perform at the Surflight Theatre on Monday, August 12! It is one of my favorite performance spaces in the world. My slogan for this year is: COME FOR THE SHOW - STAY FOR THE AIR CONDITIONING! I hope to see you there! ---------------------
My book, IRREVERSIBLE, is available at amazon.com HERE.
If you’d like a personalized comedy video, please find me HERE on Cameo and I’ll create something for you and your people.
Thanks for reading,
Taylor
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