Hither came the Giants. . .

Fee-fi-fo-fum! So, let me sit with you a bit, and regale you with a tale of gigantic woe. You see, in Alamaze Game #5736, my Demon Princes and I were minding our own business, when out of the blue, these pesky giants came calling in the region of Pellinor.



Oh, what clever devils these bloated man-things do be! Do giants seek out only the strongest of kingdoms to assail and to park their enlarged asses in? Oh, no, not these giants. These giants only go after weaker prey.



Three regions of Alamaze they controlled, having recently seized control of Pellinor from my Elven allies. It didn't take long for these treacherous oversized-vermin to wrest control of the region of Pellinor from the beleaguered Elves , but as I watched these events unfold from afar, I decided to ante up, and enter the fray against these cretins from Giantville (or wherever they originally spawned at).



And so it was that events unfolded, and now, more than one giant army has entered my region of Nyvaria, where once the accursed little Fairy Folk did live and multiply. The Cimmerians from the North invaded Nyvaria early on, so the Fairy Kingling thought it wise to dispatch a political emissary to a Demon Prince village in Nyvaria, which then set into motion a whole chain of events.



Now, the Cimmerians are no more, having either dropped the game (or more likely, having been dropped by the game, probably for missing too many turns in a row).



But even before the Cimmerians were no more, the Fairy Folk abandoned all hope, and went extinct by dropping out of the game. But do you think that these pock-faced giants care about any of that? Not a chance!



So, they plotted and schemed to move their powerful armies into Nyvaria, in a bid to seize control of that region, as they move towards a win in this game of Alamaze. Thus, I opted to stick it to these half-assed excuse for giants, first - by dispatching Demon Princes to cause a little havoc in Pellinor!



Specifically, I commanded these Demon Prince minions of mine to cause two Giant-controlled towns in the region of Pellinor to rebel against their Giant masters - which they promptly did, in spite of my kingdom's reaction level in that region being at a hostile level.



But when you play the Demon Princes, all is not always as it might at first seem.



And having now lost control of Pellinor as swiftly as they had gained control of it not so very long ago, these miserable excuse for giants can now officially kiss my hellish ass. In another game of Alamaze not so very long ago, I learned to hate giants with a special sort of passion.



Militarily, the Giants will crush me. I may be a fool, but I'm not such a fool that I seriously consider otherwise. Nonetheless, to hell with the Giants of Alamaze!



As the most powerful kingdoms in Alamaze sit on their haunches, content to let the Giants run wild in pursuit of an easy claim to victory in this game, we of the Demon Princes kingdom intend to thumb our noses at them until the bitter end. I'm no stranger to dealing with giant fools. When they invade Hell, they play with fire!



While some within the Alamaze community no doubt want to emasculate the Demon Princes kingdom, for the moment, I am playing the non-castrated version of this realm. It would be an affront to Hell, itself, and to good gaming everywhere, to water down the Demon Princes kingdom in Alamaze.



Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I'm biased. You may even be thinking that the Demon Princes are too strong, too powerful, too over-weighted with advantages. But that just goes to show how little that you actually know, and how very little that your appreciation for this particular kingdom really is.



Despite having played the Demon Princes in Alamaze several times, already, I haven't even come close to winning even a single game of Alamaze. But what I have managed to achieve, at times, is something called having fun.

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Yes, in spite of the various things about Alamaze that do need tweaking, I have found a degree of fun that can be derived from playing this kingdom.



I don't even play to win, which some might argue is not how one should play a wargame - and particularly, a wargame in a fantasy setting. But my function and my role in a wargame is not to play in a predictable manner, seeking a win above all else. How utterly boring!



How utterly. . .ordinary.



For what of revenge, and the frustrating of one's enemy? Rather than play to win, I will strive for the remainder of my kingdom's time in this game to try and help ensure, to the degree possible, that the Giants do not win. For they have now crossed the Rubicon of my ire, and for that, the Demon Princes must now reciprocate by taking on the Mantle of Bedevilment.



For to bedevil one's fellow player is an art all unto itself. Let this Giants player count his brigades of troops, and his abundance of warlords that are more numerous than dandelions growing in a field, and his great and powerful high-level wizards, and his fancy-smancy artifacts of power. None of these things amount to so much as a hill of proverbial beans to me.



If he wants to win, then let him get off of his gigantic ass and earn it. He'll quickly find that Hell doesn't issue free passes for his kind. Of all kingdoms in the game, out of 32 different kingdoms that players can choose to play, 'tis the Giants whom I currently hold the most distaste for.



The Gnomes are off. . .gnoming, and the Lizards are off trying to lay the smackdown upon the Dwarves (I think). With only 6 players left in this game out of the original 12 players that started it, surely to goodness, somebody has to be willing to stand up to these oversized militaristic bullies of Giantdom.



You know, when I first started this game of Alamaze, I planned to avoid conflict. My immediate aims were to gain control over my starting region (but not kick anybody else out that started there with population centers of their own), and practice trying to raise my military leaders' levels - and as a secondary pursuit, to locate and "acquire" artifacts.



That's it. I didn't seek to go pell-mell off to war. I had no plans in the works to fight either Fairy Folks or Cimmerians. Instead, hostilities were visited upon my realm's assets, and I responded in kind.



Now, why anyone would ever think that the Giants, out of all of the 32 kingdoms of Alamaze, would accomplish anything of note by building up their strength, and then launching a sneak attack upon my Elven allies, is beyond me. Silly Giants!



Having initiated unprovoked hostilities against the Elves, the Giants revealed their true selves. Hence, they are undeserving of tolerance on the part of other kingdoms. No great reward awaits those who would appease them. No less than 29 turns have passed in this game of Alamaze, and these pompous Giants no doubt smell both blood and the scent of victory, which teases their oversized noses as it wafts through the air.



Such a damned shame that I had to snatch their fragile control of Pellinor away from them, as I did, this turn.



Tsk, tsk, tsk. . .



Next turn, more Giant armies will likely invade my realm. But it should come as a surprise to no one that fools frequently gather in Hell. And we, the Demon Princes kingdom, would be remiss, if we did not extend a proper greeting to these Giant interlopers who have now come calling.



Having played the Demon Princes before, and in one game I soon found my kingdom faced off against both the Giants and the Red Dragon, the pending attacks upon certain of my kingdom's population centers in this game by Giants has failed, utterly, to induce any feelings of fear within me.



Maybe I'll fix myself some of that Green Giant corn on the cob for supper.



Ho! Ho! Ho!

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