Pilgrim’s Progress: Thanksgiving 2023

Here we are! Thanksgiving! It is actually Holiday #2 in the non-stop holiday celebration that started with #1 (Halloween, whose slogan today is “NOT JUST FOR CHILDREN ANYMORE!”) and we’re in full-on merrymaking-mode now thru the first weekend in February, AKA: SUPERBOWL WEEKEND.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!

NOTE: the word “holiday” is actually a mash-up (conjunction) of the words “holy” and “days.” Created years ago as a less-controversial greeting as opposed to saying “Happy Holy Days,” we all are encouraged to use “Holiday” as opposed to using a word that might be construed as religious.

Which is dumb, obviously, because by saying “Happy Holidays” we’re really saying “Happy HOLY Days,” defeating the whole purpose and making everyone religious to a certain extent - and if I wanted to I could make the case that most who use the word “holiday” at this time of year are acknowledging Christmas! I chuckle to myself and say a silent prayer of thanks to whoever it was who coined “Holiday.”

Thanksgiving still ranks as my favorite, or at least second-favorite, of all these holidays because I really do believe in giving thanks. And if I have to deal with insane travel (like this year - I fly from Mexico to the worst airport on the planet, Newark Liberty International, the day before Thanksgiving) so be it.

As a matter of fact, even as I’m being admonished by flight attendants for my carry-on case (“It’s too big!” they’ll say, and I will smile and open the bag, and using my well-rehearsed skills as a ventriloquist, I throw my voice into the bag and the attendant will hear “Hi there!” come out.

The attendant will want to look in the bag, whereupon I’ll reveal my muse, my partner, my inner child - which is my ventriloquist dummy, folded in the bag - and everyone will laugh. I win, because the bag fits in the bin and I settle into my seat, comfortable and thankful, knowing the bag won’t be damaged or lost by baggage handlers).

Then I’ll be driving into New York City, no doubt taking part in a “peaceful” demonstration as I pick up my children and bring them back to my house for a family meal.

By the way? My wife is NOT doing all the cooking this year - because the children have offered to cook!

DEFINITIVE THANKFULNESS!

So. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! And what a time of year it is here in 2023, when your turkey has a better skincare routine than you. Think about that!

Massage and kneading? Check.
Brine? Check.

Butter massage? Double check!

Yes!

And are you looking for positives in the world of tech here in late November?



Well, Thanksgiving is the one day when your fitness tracker takes for granted you must be in a marathon.

Steps? Zero.

Calories? Uh… We don’t talk about that.

The most overused word for Thankful Thursday: FAMILY.



But that’s what it’s all about, right? FAMILY.

I think so. It truly is about family. Loved ones. All ages, everyone.

And this year the tables have turned.



It was just a short time ago when the ‘younger’ generation taught the elderly the basics of how to take a selfie. Or use Google. Or play Angry Birds.



But Thanksgiving 2023? Grandma said this year she’s teaching me how to knit a TikTok.

Let’s get to the gist. The point. The thing that defines the entire weekend: Thanksgiving dinner. It’s the only meal I eat where my plate takes on the character of one of those oh-so-popular food reality shows – call it 'WILL IT HOLD - GRAVY EDITION.'

OH! And in an effort to keep it real, I see you Vegans! We got you covered! Tofu turkey – or as I like to call it, 'TOFURKEY' – is so realistic that I swear heard it start a debate with the mashed potatoes. Subject? Cryptocurrency, of course!

Let’s get to the finale! The coup-de-grace! Dessert! It is 2023 (how many times do I have to say it?) and I’m introducing a pumpkin pie that texts you when it’s cool enough. Because the only thing worse than a burnt pie is a burnt tongue.

Wait! Here’s a shoutout to the pets under the table, the silent yet hopeful allies. These are not comfort animals or spirit animals or even companions. Pet owners know what I mean.

Be honest, how many of you have sneaked that mashed sweet potato pudding Aunt Lois always brings under the table to the dog? I say we cut to the chase this year! GIVE THE PETS THEIR OWN TABLE! Yeah, the one that used to be called “the children’s table.” Can’t have that in 2023 (because children are adults, too, right?) So the pets get the table, with a mini turkey!
Made of dog treats. It’s their own holiday! Barksgiving. WOOF!

Me? For me Thanksgiving is about gratitude. I’m grateful for laughter, elastic waistbands, and all of you who read and come see the shows and watch the videos!.

Let’s make this year’s Thanksgiving a night of fun, friends, and yes, maybe a food coma!

Be sure to get a copy of my book IRREVERSIBLE. 

Or for those of you who want to become ventriloquists, grab a copy of my e-book, The Complete Idiots Guide To Ventriloquism.

Need a puppet to go with the ventriloquist book? My Penguin Puppet is for sale HERE.

And my podcast, with the esteemed advertising prodigy Dave Kasey, STORIES UNLIMITED, can be heard on Spotify and Apple Podcasts. Listen and let me know what you think!



Thanks for reading!

Taylor